At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
