if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
