i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
