escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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