the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
