So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
