she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
