I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
