I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
