note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
