4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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