its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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