You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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