: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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