All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
