i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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