The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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