i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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