He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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