A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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