Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
