guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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