I didn't shave. On purpose
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize