So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
