New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
