i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
