It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Why is your signature on my underwear?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
