I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
