Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
