That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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