and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize