This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
