i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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