There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
