I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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