I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
