6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
