So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize