is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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