This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Randomize
