just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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