Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
