someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
