did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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