girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
