Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
