Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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