Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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