I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
