fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
