Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
