So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize