just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
