you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
i think i just lost a toe
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
