Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
