Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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