Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
third nipple confirmed
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
