non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
