the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
