Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
