i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
