So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
